An Open Letter To Staples Center Management


June 6, 2012; Los Angeles, CA, USA; A general view as fans gather outside before game four of the 2012 Stanley Cup Finals between the New Jersey Devils and the Los Angeles Kings at the Staples Center. Mandatory Credit: Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

Hey AEG!  Yes, you…

Ever since I moved to my apartment right off the Red line about 5 years ago, I’ve been a half-season ticket holder and I must admit, I’ve been pretty happy.  You’ve given me a cup win, traded away that poor excuse of a defenseman (Johnson), beat the Sharks in a game 7, and have given me many drunken evenings on Figueroa.  I’ll even forgive you for that pathetic lockout.

But now that we’ve been built into a contender, it’s time we make some more improvements so teams around the league take us a little more seriously…

1.  No more My Chemical Romance

I get the whole “Black Parade” tie in here, but how are opposing teams supposed to take us seriously with this pre-teen, whiny anthem blaring during warm-ups?

There are so many songs with black motifs.  Paint it Black, Black Math by White Stripes (Black & White motif!), Black Ice (insert hockey-ice pun), literally any song ever written by Black Sabbath (which goes amazing while you watch hockey), or even this terrible Whiz Khalifa “Black and Purple” Kings remix.  All of these are heavy, fast and adrenaline pumping, which gets people revved up for some hockey.

You could even show a little LA pride and get Staples pumped with some 80s hardcore, Black Flag.  Which brings me to my next request…

2.  Show that we’re proud of being from LA…

Staples is likely the most generic of any stadium I’ve ever been in, ever.  There is no heart and soul, no pride, and no reflection of our lives in Southern California.

How about some beer from Southern California?  San Diego has over 50 breweries, LA even has Golden Road Brewery!  Surely you can offer one of those beers, right?  Staples offers Budweiser, Bud Light, Miller Light, AND Coors Light, all of which taste like urine to a different degree.

HP Pavilion has Gordon Biersch, which is brewed in San Jose.  Canada drinks Molson like it’s water.  Let’s show where we’re from please.

This applies to food.  Staples has the worst concessions options.  We don’t need 4-5 McDonalds to choose from.  How about we get some Tacos stands, Hot Dog on a Stick (OG SoCal), or even a French Dip somewhere in the building?

3.  Our power play needs a new sponsor…

At this point, I’ll take anything over Disc Sport and Spine.  I used to cringe every time we got a power play because Jamie Kompon was a terrible special teams coach.  Now I cringe because I have to hear that outdated sponsor.

“It’s time for the Tampax Ultra Power Play” is almost a better compromise.

4.  Bring back the Gretzky Era jerseys.  

I love the jersey changes you’ve been making lately, and I’d like to see the Kings ride that wave of good momentum and bring back the classic Chevy logo uniform.  Dropping the purple and black monster was a step in the right direction, I like the current uni, and the purple throwbacks are great.  But the Gretzky era jerseys are the most recognized of all the Kings jerseys.

With The Mighty Ducks of Anaheim bringing back their hideous 90s throwbacks, the Kings and Ducks could even throw one incredible 90s party once a year.  I’m Soundgarden would love to play too.

5.  No more Bieber

Seriously.  Stop.  We already have this, this, this, this and this.  I get it, he’s Canadian, and he’s at a hockey game.  Lets move on now.

I’m not asking that you ban him.  But if he’s there, can we stop acknowledging him?  Just keep panning the jumbotron camera.  Interview somebody else.  I can’t take any more Bieber.