With Brown’s signing of an 8 year extension, I began to wonder how he stacked up with some of the King’s other franchise players, after all, there’s nothing better to do in the off-season than creat useless rankings.
I decided to rate them on a scale of four characteristics, Douchebaggery, Loyalty, Future Value, and Marketability. The first two are pretty self explanatory, but I should clarify that by Future Value, we mean, what does their career look like when they decide to hang up the skates.
The grading is on a scale of 1 to 5 with 1 = Davis Drewiske, 5 = Wayne Gretzky
Future Value: ???
Today should be about young Dustin, so lets start with him. Obviously, we’re going to have the douchebaggery rating the highest. Don’t get me wrong, I love Dustin Brown, he’s just that kind of player who come’s over and says, “Hi,” during warmups but once the puck drops, he won’t get off your back. For a player known for his heavy hitting style, with every opposing fan base loathing his existence, the douchebaggery is high with this one. The only reason he didn’t earn a full 5 is because he’s not Sean Avery.
As for everything else, he’s a loyal teammate, who expresses interest in spending the remainder of his prime playing days in the Southland. Marketability is low; he doesn’t fit in with the club scene and his face isn’t exactly selling shoes.
Future Value: 5
What’s there to say about Lucky Luc? His Douchebaggery levels are non-existent, because he’s basically the perfect person, the Nick Lidstrom of the west coast. Loyalty and Future Value are high for obvious reasons. And last, Robitaille was basically the Hollywood representative for the Kings, scoring him a decent 3.5.
Future Value: 4
Dave Taylor, who spent most of his career with the Kings, earned a 3 solely on his Douchebaggery rating after being one of the few who would go after Gretzky when he played for the Oilers. He scored high on the Loyalty and Future Value ratings based on his extensive post career work with the Kings, however he’s currently with the Blues, so we can’t give him too much credit.
Future Value: 3
I don’t mean to start a bunch of outrage amongst Kings fans, but I’m just going to say it, I actually like Rob Blake. For starters, I rated Blake on his douchebaggery from his younger years. A hard hitting defenseman, Blake was great at getting under the skin of opponents. With him landing a big front office job last week, you sir earned a 3 for Future Value. But even if you bring another cup to Los Angeles, lest we forget that you signed with the Sharks. I can forgive wanting to chase a cup before retirement, but we all know San Jose isn’t the place for playoff success. Also, see above photo for more proof.
Future Value: 4
Although you were never considered the face of the franchise in your playing years, skating in the shadows of the Triple Crown line, you will always be valued for your broadcast career. Choking up on air was really, a beautiful thing, but unfortunately that will get you zero douchebaggery points.
In all seriousness, I’m ecstatic that Dustin Brown might just get the chance to earn the title ‘King for Life’. Our captain is hated throughout the league for his ability to get in the heads of our opponents, and that is something Kings fans should wear as a badge of honor.